Mr Horace's Canada Day
by o0SoulGuardian0o
Summary: Come one come all  except you in the green overalls , and listen to a magical tale about how, every single year, Canada is finally recognized ! Made for Canada day, but 2 days late because stupid internet connection is STUPID! Minor T


**WHOOHOOO! FIRST STORY!OFJHOIGHP;ANdfb1!**

**Wow, it feels great after years of trying to tell myself that it's alright to jump into the jelly-filled mushiness that is writing!**

**Disclaimer: Um, well, I thought I owned Hetalia, and was RULEROFSEALAND!, but then my psychiatrist told me I was delusional. Sealand's not a country.**

* * *

><p>Hello everyone, welcome. Please, find yourself a seat, preferably not on someone else, move down all the way so that we can make room for those snotty brats that just take up more oxygen and make the room feel stuffy.<p>

Remember to realize that you actually did want some popcorn, and try to maneuver through the tangle of people you just allowed to sit. Make sure you trip on that jerk's foot and leave him with some colorful language, all in vain because you are NOT paying $9.50 for a small popcorn.

Are we all slightly annoyed at the people sitting next to us?

Good!

_Our story begins with a sad, sad man  
><em>_Who was NOTHING like you and me.  
><em>_He enjoyed talking to his polar bear  
><em>_And had lots and lots of money._

_But this man wasn't a man at all  
><em>_A country that was personified.  
><em>_His name was Canada, huge and sweet.  
>Don't believe me? Well you can GO DIE!<em>

Oh! Not you sir! I like you~.

_Now Canada was a sweet country  
><em>_But few even knew he existed.  
><em>_On his birthday e would be ignored,  
><em>_While others went and got wasted._

_One year Mr. Canada was one week away  
><em>_From his birthday that no other country celebrates.  
><em>_Then along came a man who was firing arrows  
><em>_At apples on a tree, hitting all eight._

_Well, Canada was eating an apple himself,  
><em>_He knew the man wouldn't see him  
><em>_And stop an arrow flying right at his apple  
><em>_Hitting the target, but killing him._

_To Canada's surprise the man lowered his bow  
><em>_And shouted, "WAS THAT SKILL OR WHAT?"  
><em>_Shocked, Canada pinched himself.  
><em>_He wasn't dreaming? WTF?_

"_Uh", the country replied, "Can you see me?"  
><em>"_OF COURSE!" The man laughed back.  
><em>_He jogged over to the frozen country.  
><em>"_That's a stupid question!" And Canada cracked._

Please note: the following is not for children whose minds are still slightly pure, and/or, will repeat everything other people say. For theirs (and my) benefit, however, we have bleeped out several bad words.

"_A STUPID QUESTION? WHO THE _*bleep* _DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SMELLED THE STINK OF LONLINESS LIKE I HAVE! YOU HAVEN'T WANTED TO TEAR A _*bleep* POLAR BEAR_, YOUR ONLY FRIEND, INTO LITTLE POLAR BEAR PIECES, ALL BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE THE _*bleep*_ING TIME TO LEARN YOUR _*bleep*_ING NAME! WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, KUMAJIRO? I THAT'S RIGHT, I KNEW YOUR NAME SINE DAY _*bleep*_ING ONE! YOU _*bleep* *bleep* *bleep*_ING _*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* _KETCHUP-SMELLING _*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*! _THAT'S RIGHT, BITCH-_

WHOA! Ah, sorry folks, didn't mean for that to come out. Um, yeah, you got the gist of it.

If you would like a copy of the original version, please see the suspicious man on the side of the building on your way out, and he'll gladly tell it to you.

_The man was confused (as he should be)  
><em>_Then took a deep breath in.  
><em>"_I-I don't know what you're talking about  
><em>_But I'd like to help my kin."_

"_See, I'm a Canadian, strong and true  
><em>_I left home for fame and treasure.  
><em>_And I can easily *ahem*, persuade a man  
><em>_Helping you would be my pleasure!"_

"_My name is Horace, how d'you do?  
><em>_I myself am fine.  
><em>_Now, I'll need more help, I'll call them up  
><em>_You can bet they'll be here on time!"_

_So the word went out to all Canadians  
><em>_That they were losing respect.  
><em>_And they needed to teach other countries a lesson  
><em>_It'll be one they'll never forget._

_So on Canada day, July 1__st__,  
><em>_There was a meeting of the UN.  
><em>_And lo and behold, right before the countries very eyes,  
><em>_Thousands of Canadians swarmed in._

_America shouted "Awesome!", England screamed "BLOODY HELL!"  
><em>_Russia just, kinda, smiled creepily.  
><em>_France and the Italies screamed like girls,  
><em>_And Sealand found a daisy!_

"ACKGNOWLEDGE ME!"  
>SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU!<p>

_And this is the end of our story  
>That is good for the kiddies to hear.<br>__But just so you know, for Canada's birthday,  
><em>_Everyone makes SURE to celebrate each year!_

_And forget him all the rest THE END!_


End file.
